“We Got Him!” U.S. Forces Capture Santa!

Monday, December 15, 2003

Tipped off by one of his elves, U.S. troops found and captured Santa Claus this weekend after he had been hiding in an Iraqi chimney for an undisclosed amount of time. Armed with only a pocketful of candy canes and a briefcase filled with 750,000 Monopoly dollars, Santa didn’t put up a fight. “Ho! Ho! Ho! Don’t shoot!” he said with a jolly chuckle.

Frankly, I’m glad they got the bastard. This is sweet revenge for that Christmas when I wanted an Optimus Prime Transformer and I got a lousy Leader One Go-Bot instead. Thanks for nothing, Claus!

Besides, finally the elves of the North Pole are free.