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And it Burns, Burns, Burns…

So this morning I arrive at work, like usual, and hop into the elevator.  At this point I notice a sign covering the button to the fifth floor: NO ACCCESS TO THE FIFTH FLOOR.

Interesting.  I press the button for the fourth floor, deciding to walk the last flight, attributing it all to the elevator’s shady history of always being out of service.  Yet upon arriving at the fourth floor, a sign is posted on the stairwell: NO ACCESS TO THE FIFTH FLOOR.

Odd.  Clearly the maintenance department is working on the elevator, thus obstructing the entrance to the stairwell as well.  I guess I’ll have to walk around to the other side of the building and take the other stairs.

But what is posted on the entrance to the other stairwell, and inside the other elevator?  NO ACCESS TO THE FIFTH FLOOR.

I head back down to the main floor, and the front desk, where I ask security, “What’s going on on the fifth floor?”

“Oh that?  Yeah, you can go up there… don’t worry.”

What a crack security team.  In fact, it’s this very security team that, this weekend, allowed a criminal being pursued by the police to break into the building, access the fifth floor (via the aforementioned shady, security-challenged elevator) and light a bunch of fires to distract the fuzz.  “You’ll never take me alive, coppers!!”

Luckily my department had a locked cage door designed to keep potential arsonists from setting fires to all my action figures, sketchbooks, and toy robots (and, to a lesser extent, I suppose all our actual work-related paraphernalia, too).

Some weren’t as lucky and are now the proud owners of charred work stations.  Luckily for them, however, upon opening their e-mail they will see, immediately following administration’s explanation of the weekend’s events, a reminder for the first in a series of Stress Management Luncheons.

UPDATE: Here’s the news story thanks to Pony