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Bear-Kat

Last night on Messenger:

Me: This day will never end.
Kat: it’s going slowly, eh?  you could… write a song!
Me: hmmm… topic?
Kat: Me.  And Pandas.
Me: I’m on it.

30 minutes later...

“BEAR-KAT” (a song)

(introduction...)
It cannot ride a bike, and it cannot work a toaster.
It cannot breathe in outer space, nor ride a roller coaster.
It cannot speak in Afrikaans, it cannot smoke a hookah.
It’s my favourite of the bear-cats—Ailoropoda melanoleuca!!!

Pandas are endangered,
A sad thing to incur.
But they’re better off than Kat,
‘Cos there’s only one of her.

Pandas are black,
But also they’re white.
You can only see parts of ‘em
When it gets dark at night

CHORUS
Kat’s not a cat, ‘cos her real name is Amanda.
A bear-cat’s not one either ‘cos it’s actually a Panda!
Let’s make some bamboo smoothies and drink them out on the veranda.
Then you and me and Panda can run off to west Uganda,
Where we’ll spread the word about his kind with Panda Propaganda!

Pandas come from China.
There are prob’ly some there now.
If you want to find one, ask,
“Anyone seen a xiong mao?”

Kat, tho, lives in Hamilton;
At school she will succeed,
Unlike a Panda, who would fail,
Because it cannot read.

CHORUS
Kat’s not a cat, ‘cos her real name is Amanda.
A bear-cat’s not one either ‘cos it’s actually a Panda!
Let’s make some bamboo smoothies and drink them out on the veranda.
Then you and me and Panda can run off to west Uganda,
Where we’ll spread the word about his kind with Panda Propaganda!

Did you know pandas ears
Wiggle when they chew?
I can’t say the same for Kat,
I’ve never seen her eat bamboo.

But that’s all I know ‘bout Pandas,
And so this song is through.
If you want to know more about Pandas,
You should visit your local zoological society or contact the World Wildlife Fund at (202) 293-4800

CHORUS
Kat’s not a cat, ‘cos her real name is Amanda.
A bear-cat’s not one either ‘cos it’s actually a Panda!
Let’s make some bamboo smoothies and drink them out on the veranda.
Then you and me and Panda can run off to west Uganda,
Where we’ll spread the word about his kind with Panda Propaganda!

(repeat and fade out...)

6 Comments

Hogwash #8

This the eighth and final batch of Hogwash, my embarrassingly unfunny comics from highschool.  These, however, are probably the best of the bunch, for what it’s worth… Enjoy them; there will be no more.

7 Comments