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One-Wheel Revolution

It was such a nice day out day, I couldn’t help but go wander the neighbourhood.  It’s days like this that remind me why I love living in this city—people of all sorts out enjoying themselves. 

Which brings me to this question:  How is it that in the last few months I’ve actually seen 3 separate people riding unicycles?  (Regardless of the weather even!)

These aren’t clowns, buskers, or Russian circus bears—these were all actual, every day people just like us, minding their own business, getting from point A to point B… as awkwardly as possible.

When did the unicycle lose its ‘novelty’ status as a mode of transportation?  Perhaps I should look into reviving other wacky people-movers.

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I Tawt I Taw a Title Card

The fine folks over at Typographica have unearthed a cartoon and type-lover’s goldmine: Warner Bros. Cartoons Title Card Gallery!

Growing up watching these shorts on TV, I never saw a lot of these beautiful examples of lettering because the Bugs Bunny & Tweety Show would always replace the cartoons’ credits with generic titles to shave the time down.

Luckily, the new DVD collections of the Looney Tunes keep all the classic title cards intact.  (As do the Disney Treasures tin boxes of classic Disney shorts, for that matter).

UPDATE: more here!

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Jesus Christ!

Everyone’s talking about Mel Gibson’s The Passion of the Christ these days.  It’s the hottest ticket in town that doesn’t involve Hobbits!  Well, last night I decided to see what all the fuss was about (Heck, what’s Ash Wednesday for!)

Well, there are some spoilers ahead for those of you who haven’t read the book.

I must not have been paying attention in church/Catholic school as a child.  I completely didn’t know that Satan was an androgynous vampire with a family of troll-like children.  (And I think I would’ve taken religion a lot more seriously if I knew I was in danger of being attacked by werewolves for denying Jesus.)

Speaking of Satan, who knew that (s)he was responsible for so much!  I’ve sat though my share of Passions before, and I don’t remember learning that Judas was driven mad by an imaginary band of satanic children.  In fact, I was pretty sure that Judas’s suicide was a result of the incredible guilt he felt—not the result of Count Moby messing with his head.

Then again, it’s consistent with the rest of the movie—all suffering, no compassion. 

Let’s take a look at some of Mel’s creative revisions, nay, ‘reimaginings’…

1. First of all, when Pilate (who comes off looking like the most compassionate person in the film) asks Jesus if he is the son of God.  Does J.C. reply, “It is you who say that I am”?  No.  In this version, he brags, “Yes.  YES I AM!  I TOTALLY ROCK!!” (They omit the scene in which Pilate then goes on to invent his apparatus-exercise regime).

2. Speaking of inventions, Jesus totally invents THE DINNER TABLE.  I knew he was a carpenter, but who knew he was so influential even in the world of woodcraft?  “It’ll never catch on,” quips Mary… (Oh, Jesus, you and your radical ideas again...)

3. Barabbas was actually Captain Caveman (and just as intelligible).

4. Mel Gibson felt the Stations of the Cross were unfulfilling at a mere 14, so he added 5 NEW Stations:

-Jesus falls for the IV time
-Jesus falls for the V time
-Jesus falls for the VI time
-Jesus falls for the VII time
-Jesus falls for the VIII time

He also REVISED one Station:

-Simon helps Jesus carry the cross, but not out of compassion, only because he’s a cowardly Jew who was threatened by the Romans.

And finally, he REMOVED the final station

-Jesus is laid in the tomb.

5. Lastly, the other addition to the Jesus story worthy of note, is how Mel Gibson helps but the blame of Christ’s death squarely on the Jews.  Before seeing the film I thought that those blaming the film of Anti-Semitism were being over sensitive, but get this: at the moment of Jesus’s last breath God’s wrath DEMOLISHES the Jewish temple while the cowardly Jewish Elders huddle in shock.  God sure showed those dirty Jews what for, eh Mr. Gibson?

Wow, so much I didn’t know about the life and death of Jesus!  Actually, now that I think of it, the movie didn’t say anything about the LIFE of Jesus… in fact, it didn’t say much about Jesus at all, other than that he suffered and bled a lot (and I mean a LOT).  Wait a minute, what was he suffering for again?  This movie doesn’t make it clear.

Probably his dinner table business.

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Type Humour

Check out these great type-related bumper stickers.

Personal favourites: Kiss me, I’m italic, Cursives, foiled again!, and Goudy is my co-pilot.

(via SnogBlog)

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The Dangers of Clamato

I just saw an ad on TV for Clamato (at least I think it was Clamato—I just caught the tail end).

At the end they show a nice product shot of a refreshing, chilly glass of Clamato (they don’t mention any vodka, but let’s assume).  The glass is garnished with a nice healthy stalk of celery, and keeping the Clamato nice and cold: icecubes.

But if you look carefully, the tiny print beside the glass warns us (in a batteries-not-included, Barbie-does-not-actually-walk-and-talk sort of way): WARNING: ICE CUBES MAY CAUSE HEPATITIS A!!!

Thanks for the fear-mongering, Clamato, but you forgot these helpful tips:

WARNING: CELERY STALK MAY CAUSE CHOKING IF SWALLOWED WHOLE

WARNING: PRODUCT CAUSES DEATH WHEN MIXED WITH POISON

and

WARNING: CONTAINS CLAM

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Oscar Preparedness

What follows is a list of the films nominated for major Academy Awards (picture, acting, directing, writing).  I’ve crossed off the ones I’ve seen.

• The Lord of the Rings: The Return of the King
• Lost in Translation
• Master and Commander: The Far Side of the World
• Mystic River
• Seabiscuit
• City of God
• Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl
• House of Sand and Fog
• Cold Mountain
• The Cooler
• 21 Grams
• In America
• The Last Samurai
• Whale Rider
• Something’s Gotta Give
• Monster
• Pieces of April
• Thirteen
• Brother Bear
• Finding Nemo
• The Triplets of Belleville
• American Splendor
• The Barbarian Invasions
• Dirty Pretty Things

I plan on seeing The Cooler and 21 Grams this week, and it will be the most films I’ve ever seen before Oscar Night.  Every year I tell myself that I’ll catch up on the nominated movies before the awards, and every year I fail to do that.

Not this year!

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Jordan Crane

Matt over at Coming Up for Air reminded me how much I, too, love the comics of Jordan Crane.

Like Matt points out, you can read a lot of his work online for free, but what he failed to point out was this little bonus:  RE, A Reproduction Guide (available as a free PDF download at the bottom ofthis page.  It’s a great little reference guide for independant publishers that gives a pretty comprehensive crash course for those of you who want to make your own comics or zines but have no experience in the technical side of printing techniques.

It covers everything from screen printing and photocopying to Quark and Photoshop techniques, and how to prepare your files for professional printing.  Worth a look if you’ve never worked in the print industry and need a bit of a primer.

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Evolution

I recently purchased the DVD collection of the entire series of The Critic, and I realized that based on how I draw myself in my comics, I might have to worry about what I look like when I grow up…

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Do the Shuffle

I’m not one for memes, but this one is fun.

Turn your MP3 player on random and list the first 15 tracks it plays (regardless of how embarrassing they may be):

1. Let’s Dance - M. Ward
2. Lost Cause - Beck with the Flaming Lips
3. A Lack of Colour - Death Cab for Cutie
4. I’ll Take Care of You - Bobby Bland
5. She Lives By the Water - Club 8
6. Knock Three Times - Tony Orlando and Dawn
7. What a Day for a Daydream - Lovin’ Spoonful
8. Oh Yoko - John Lennon
9. Stereo - Pavement
10. Hot Burrito #1 - The Flying Burrito Brothers
11. Love and Happiness - Al Green
12. What is This Thing Called Love? - Keely Smith
13. Pretty Baby - Leon Redbone
14. Shang a Dang Dang - Lambchop
15. I Shatter - The Magnetic Fields

Hm.  Less embarrassing than I envisioned.  Although the Tony Orlando is questionable…

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Disa-pointed

The last three times I’ve gone to the liquor store I’ve stood in line behind the register to watch the cashier ring in the products of the people ahead of me and then routinely ask them if they collect AirMiles.

And yet when it’s my turn they never ask me if I collect AirMiles.  Is it because I’m younger?  Because I’m not particularly dressed like I belong to the jet set?  What’s wrong with me?  Don’t I look like the kind of person who habitually racks up points that he’ll probably never do anything with?

‘Cause I totally am!  Swipe my damned card already!

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God Bless TVO

The other day my brother e-mailed to ask me if I remembered a childrens’ show when we were kids that featured a guy dressed as a giant record who tapped two wooden spoons together.  People he worked with were wracking their brains for the answer.  I asked around and everyone here seemed to remember it but couldn’t figure out what show it was from.

After some diligent Googling, I found the answer: Size Small Country!  The memories came flooding back.

So I started searching for more of the lesser-remembered shows from my childhood by Googling for “Readalong” and I came across this site: TVOntario Children’s Shows of the 1970’s Tribute Page!  I completely forgot how TVO helped define my childhood!

I specifically have fond memories of Calling All Safety Scouts, Read All About It, Fables of the Green Forest, and Téléfrançais.

But now on to the ultimate find—a collection of downloadable TVO Themesongs! 

I just put the Edison Twins Theme on my iPod and can’t stop listening to it.  Now if I can just find the themesong to Cucumber!

Oh, no two days are quite the same… life is just a learning game...

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So Long, Jim Simpkins

I have just learned that James Simpkins, Canadian cartooning legend died on January 31st.

Jim Simpkins was the creator of Jasper the Bear, the mascot of Jasper Park in Alberta, and I have to be honest that since I’m such a youngin’ I was never aware of Jasper myself until I was introduced to Jim Simpkins at an NCS Christmas party three years ago.

I’ve only briefly met the man a few more times since.  The most memorable was at a summer barbecue where he brought along a photo album filled with pictures of the park’s Jasper statue and reams of his cartoons.

Those of lucky to be sitting near enough to share in his scrapbook sat in wonder at such a talent.  I remember Jay Stephens telling me, “We need to take advantage of talking to and learning from this man while we can.  He’s over 90 years old, and he won’t be around much longer.”

Seth has his story of how he’ll always remember Mr. Simpkins.  But this is how I’ll remember him: a friendly old man with a white beard on the back deck of a hot summer day sharing a lifetime’s work to a group of attentive eager young fans.

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Cover to Cover

I didn’t really mind No Doubt’s cover of the 80’s staple It’s My Life (originally performed by Talk Talk), but I just heard a slightly familiar song at work right now, so I turn on MTV and there’s a video of 311 covering The Cure’s Lovesong.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard a more bland and generic cover song.  Fitting I suppose that the video was interlaced with clips from 50 First Dates. 

I have a bad feeling, however, that this is going to become a trend: contemporary bands covering 80’s hits and releasing them as singles.  Any day now I’m half-expecting to hear Girls on Film by Incubus or maybe Good Charlotte performing Flock of Seagulls’ I Ran…

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Small Sell

Have you all seen the new ad from Domino’s Pizza for their Domino’s Dots?  Domino’s Dots are essentially balls of dough covered in cheese.  Think of them as the Tim Bits for pizza-lovers.

In the ad monstrously-sized GIANT balls of dough bounce through the street wreaking havoc with their sheer size.  “These must be some really huge balls of dough,” you think to yourself.

But then Mr. Voiceover explains to us, �Now in a more manageable size!� Cut to a close-up fisheye lens view of one of the dots in question.  “They still look big to me!” ejaculates Grandma.

So the fine folks at Domino’s are telling us flat out “We’ve made our product smaller!  We’re actually giving you LESS food!” and not only that, but they try to explain it by telling us that it’s for our benefit.  “They’re more manageable now.  Test studies show that our product’s previous girth proved to be unmanageable by our loyal customers who demanded smaller balls of dough.”

So how do they advertise these new diminutive, easy-to-handle, smaller dots?  By showing them as gigantic boulders bounding through the suburbs destroying everything in their path in a rampage that rivals Godzilla.

Domino’s Dots: so small they’re huge!

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Lost in Translation

I just finished reading Battle Royale by Koushun Takami, which was the basis of the cult movie. 

Much has been said about the graphic violence of the book, but what really had me transfixed was the imperfect English translation of the original Japanese.  The translation renders the English very formal, and in the context of a book in which 42 highschool students try to kill each other, almost comical as well.

Here are some of my favourite bits:

The slashing sound Megumi heard sounded like a lemon being cut.

It was a nice sound.  The knife must have been really sharp and the lemon fresh, the way they are on television cooking shows, as in, “Today we’ll be cooking lemon salmon.”

Toshinori no longer played dead.  He remained frozen.  Blood dripped out from under the helmet, which resembled a bowl of sauce.

Yoshimi shielded Yoji’s body.  The sickle was planted in his skull.  Her tears fell onto his body.  The sickle was telling her: shaking me won’t revive me, don’t shake me, there’s a sickle stuck in me, man, that hurts.

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